Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Control Your Feelings
Learning how to manage your feelings and behaviors takes work and
practice. However, one simple way to get started is to develop "coping
statements" to counter upsetting thoughts. Coping statements are somewhat
like affirmations, but they are not necessarily positive ideas. Rather,
they are realistic or reality based. Coping statements are usually
challenges to specific upsetting thoughts, although you can use them any
time.
The idea hëre is to stop yourself whenever you feel upset, anxious,
worried, depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and so on. You can
also use undesired urges or behavior, like procrastination, smokïng,
drinking or drugging, as a cue to start the process. Catch yourself, then
try to observe what thoughts are running through your mind. Take a sheet
of paper and divide it in half vertically. On the left side of the sheet,
write out whatever thoughts you have observed.
Once you have identified the offending thoughts, just try changing them.
As you get into this more, you will probably want to learn how to dispute
or evaluate your thoughts on several levels, but the simple förm of this
exercise is to change the thoughts in any way that helps you feel or
behave differently. Keep trying different alternatives until you find one
that works for you. Hëre are some examples to help you get started:
1. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to fail.
Realistic Alternative: I'll probably do all right, but even if I don't,
it's not the end of the world.
2. Upsetting Thought: I can't stand it.
Realistic Alternative: I don't like it, but I can stand it.
3. Upsetting Thought: I'll nevër amount to anything.
Realistic Alternative: It may be difficult, but if I try, I can accomplish
a lot.
4. Upsetting Thought: That's awful.
Realistic Alternative: It's bad, but it could be much worse.
5. Upsetting Thought: I must be a loser because this person doesn't like
me.
Realistic Alternative: I want to be liked, but not everyone will like me.
6. Upsetting Thought: I need love.
Realistic Alternative: I want love, but I can live without it.
7. Upsetting Thought: That S.O. B.!
Realistic Alternative: I don't like some of his actions, but he is not all
bad.
8. Upsetting Thought: I'm not in the mood to do that.
Realistic Alternative: Tough! If I want the advantages of doing this, I
had better go ahead and get it out of the way.
9. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to get fired.
Realistic Alternative: I might be fired, but probably won't be. Being
fired would be a setback, but I can deal with it.
10. Upsetting Thought: I need a drink.
Realistic Alternative: I want a drink, but I don't need it. I might feel
better nöw, but I'll regret it tomorrow.
Hopefully, you get the idea. Try it! I think you will like the results.
Not only will you feel better, but you will probably find that you have a
lot more energy to put into solving the real problems in your life, not
just wasting energy on getting needlessly upset.
Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D. © 2002. All rights reserved.
About the Author:
Dr. Rob Sarmiento is a licensed psychologist in practice since 1976 in
Houston, Texas. He has developed a powerful Psychology Self-Help Website
with tools, articles and information about his consulting services. He
provides consulting services for mental health, human resources, lëgal and
business professionals. You can visit his website at
http://www.cyberpsych.com
practice. However, one simple way to get started is to develop "coping
statements" to counter upsetting thoughts. Coping statements are somewhat
like affirmations, but they are not necessarily positive ideas. Rather,
they are realistic or reality based. Coping statements are usually
challenges to specific upsetting thoughts, although you can use them any
time.
The idea hëre is to stop yourself whenever you feel upset, anxious,
worried, depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and so on. You can
also use undesired urges or behavior, like procrastination, smokïng,
drinking or drugging, as a cue to start the process. Catch yourself, then
try to observe what thoughts are running through your mind. Take a sheet
of paper and divide it in half vertically. On the left side of the sheet,
write out whatever thoughts you have observed.
Once you have identified the offending thoughts, just try changing them.
As you get into this more, you will probably want to learn how to dispute
or evaluate your thoughts on several levels, but the simple förm of this
exercise is to change the thoughts in any way that helps you feel or
behave differently. Keep trying different alternatives until you find one
that works for you. Hëre are some examples to help you get started:
1. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to fail.
Realistic Alternative: I'll probably do all right, but even if I don't,
it's not the end of the world.
2. Upsetting Thought: I can't stand it.
Realistic Alternative: I don't like it, but I can stand it.
3. Upsetting Thought: I'll nevër amount to anything.
Realistic Alternative: It may be difficult, but if I try, I can accomplish
a lot.
4. Upsetting Thought: That's awful.
Realistic Alternative: It's bad, but it could be much worse.
5. Upsetting Thought: I must be a loser because this person doesn't like
me.
Realistic Alternative: I want to be liked, but not everyone will like me.
6. Upsetting Thought: I need love.
Realistic Alternative: I want love, but I can live without it.
7. Upsetting Thought: That S.O. B.!
Realistic Alternative: I don't like some of his actions, but he is not all
bad.
8. Upsetting Thought: I'm not in the mood to do that.
Realistic Alternative: Tough! If I want the advantages of doing this, I
had better go ahead and get it out of the way.
9. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to get fired.
Realistic Alternative: I might be fired, but probably won't be. Being
fired would be a setback, but I can deal with it.
10. Upsetting Thought: I need a drink.
Realistic Alternative: I want a drink, but I don't need it. I might feel
better nöw, but I'll regret it tomorrow.
Hopefully, you get the idea. Try it! I think you will like the results.
Not only will you feel better, but you will probably find that you have a
lot more energy to put into solving the real problems in your life, not
just wasting energy on getting needlessly upset.
Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D. © 2002. All rights reserved.
About the Author:
Dr. Rob Sarmiento is a licensed psychologist in practice since 1976 in
Houston, Texas. He has developed a powerful Psychology Self-Help Website
with tools, articles and information about his consulting services. He
provides consulting services for mental health, human resources, lëgal and
business professionals. You can visit his website at
http://www.cyberpsych.com
