You'll be a Man my son!

Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf into the barn. But theymade the common mistake of thinking only of what they wanted: Emersonpushed and his son pulled, but the calf did just what they did. He stiffenedhis legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The Irish housemaidobserved their predicament, she couldn'twrite essays and books, but on thisoccasion at least had more sense than Emerson had. She thought of what thecalf wanted; so she put hermaternal finger in the calf's mouth, and let thecalf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn. Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started work at twocents an hour and finally gave away $365 million dollarslearned early inlife that the only way to influence people is to talk to them in terms ofwhat they want. He attended school only four years,yet he learned how tohandle people. To Illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over hertwo boys. They were at Yale, and they were sobusy with their own affairsthat they neglected to write home and paid no attention to their mother'sfrantic letters.Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he couldget an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone calledhisbet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in apostscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill. Heneglected,however, to enclose the money. Back came replies by returnmailthanking "Dear Uncle Andrew" for his kind note and you can finish thesentence yourself. Next time you want to persuade someone to do something, pause and ask, howcan I make him want to do it? Ask yourself how can I tie what I want to whathe wants? You can do this by asking theperson directly. What would you liketo see happen? What would you like to gain from this? What can I do for you?How can I help you getwhat you want? This skill is very simple, direct andeffective!

Success and happiness are unarguably our Holy Grails, but the standardstaught to find them are all wrong. We have been brainwashed into believingthat the only way to achieve this elusive combination of success andhappiness is through setting goals. This is simply not true. In fact,goal-setting is often the shortest route to discontentment. Fifty eightpercent of those I surveyed say that they are consciously sacrificingtodays happiness in the belief that achieving their goals will bringfulfillment. Sadly, 41 percent say that each goal achieved brings little,if any, satisfaction, despite all the hard work. So, what do they do? Theyset another goal. This creates a perpetual cycle of sacrifice anddisillusionment. What is the solution?After interviewing hundreds of people and surveying thousands I discoveredthat the most passionate, creative, and sometimes wealthiest people livefree from the burden of traditional goals. Instead, they have mastered therare skill of enjoying now rather than delaying gratification until thefuture.Goals are not inherently bad, but many individuals have an unhealthyrelationship with their goals, distorting this potentially helpful toolinto a surefire recipe for failure. Why?
Quite often, the goals we chase are not our own. Fifty three percent ofthose I surveyed feel that they are living their lives in a way thatsatisfies others more than themselves. Whose life are you living?*
Goals can cause you to lose your peripheral vision. When you focus onyour goals, you are cutting off potentially greater opportunities fromemerging.*
Goals set you up for failure, say 74 percent of those surveyed,conceding to disappointment and dissatisfaction when they are unsuccessfulin achieving their goals. In fact, 92 percent fail to achieve their NewYears resolutions. That is a lot of discontentment.Goal-Free Living is liberating. It opens new possibilities typicallyhidden from sight.We often associate goals with our career. While that is a big aspect ofour lives, Goal-Free Living applies to all areas of life, from dating tobusiness.*
Dating. When you are on a date, do not worry about the next date.Instead, just enjoy the other persons company...for that moment. You willcome across as being more genuine and less desperate, and ironically, thisincreases your chances of getting that second date.*
Vacationing. When on a vacation, instead of planning every minute ofevery day, try venturing out into an area not in your guidebook. You maydiscover some hidden gems. You will feel less hurried and more relaxed.Isnt that what a vacation is all about?*
Meetings. When you attend a business conference, stop focusing on whatyou will get out of it and how you will use it. Rather, concentrate onjust being there and soaking in as much as possible. Incredïbleopportunities show up when you are unburdened and blinded by myopic goals.When you are doing something, ask yourself Why am I doing this? If youhave a reason--other than just to be there--then you may have a goal.While it is quite acceptable to have a particular interest in an outcome,do not let that specific focus become so dominant that it blinds you toother opportunities.How does one embark on a more goal-free life? During my travels around theworld and after hundreds of interviews I discovered eight secrets forliving goal-free.
1. Use a compass, not a map--have a sense of direction (not a specificdestination) , and then meander with purpose.
2. Trust that you are never lost--every seemingly wrong turn is anopportunïty to learn and experience new things.
3. Remember that opportunïty knocks often but sometimes softly--whileblindly pursuing our goals, we often miss unexpected and wonderfulpossibilities.
4. Want what you have--measure your life by your own yardstick andappreciate who you are, what you do, and what you have...now.
5. Seek out adventure--treat your life like a one-time-only journey, andrevel in new and different experiences.
6. Become a people magnet--constantly attract, build, and nurturerelationships with new people so that you always have the support andcamaraderie of others.
7. Embrace your limits--transform your inadequacies and boundaries intounique qualities that you can use to your advantage.
8. Remain detached--focus on the present, act with a commitment to thefuture, and avoid worrying about how things will turn out.For each of these secrets, there are a number of tips for implementing theconcept. Here are a few you can try today.*

Set themes, not resolutions- -rather than set a resolution (i.e., agoal), choose one word to describe your next year. Choose something thatis bold and inspires you. Instead of losing 10 pounds, you could choosehealth. Relationships --in the broadest sense--may work better for youthan finding a boyfriend. Any word will do: grace, adventure,serenity, play.*
Use could do lists rather than to do lists--to do lists tend to bedraining as they are the things you feel you must do. Could do listscontain those things that you want to do that inspire you. They keeppossibility in front of you. Keep your list of could do items large andyour list of to do items small.*
Change your filter. One creative way to seek out adventure is to makebelieve you are another person--an artist, a musician, or a doctor. Itdoesnt matter, as long as it is someone other than you. When you liveyour normal day standing in the shoes of someone else, you will see thingsyou have never seen before.*
Appreciate the whole spectrum of life. Create contrasts to help youappreciate where you are right now. Sleep in a tent and sleeping bagversus always staying in a five-star hotel. Volunteer for a charity. Takethe bus to work. Eat at a greasy spoon diner. Swap jobs with someone witha less glamorous assignment for a week. Experience the whole spectrum oflife.The origin of the word goal comes from the Old English word forobstacles or a hindrance. In order to achieve a goal, you must workhard to overcome these barriers and roadblocks. Conversely, the origin ofthe word aspiration is the same as the Latin word for spirit andinspire, which means to breathe into or panting with desire.Barriers or inspiration. Which would you prefer?