You'll be a Man my son!

Many years ago in a small Indian village,
A farmer had the misfortune Of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.
The Moneylender
, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful Daughter. So he proposed a bargain.He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the Proposal.So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black Pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would Have to pick one pebble from the bag.1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As They talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he Picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two Black pebbles and put them into the bag.He then asked the girl to pick A pebble from the bag.Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have Done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you Have told her?Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag And expose the money-lender as a cheat.3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order To save her father from his debt and imprisonment.Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with The hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral And logical thinking.The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with Traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she choosesThe above logical answers.What would you recommend to the Girl to do?
Well, here is what she did ....
The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without Looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path Where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles."Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I Picked."Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had Picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his Dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into An extremely advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY:Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't Attempt to think.

May 28, 2007
N R Narayana Murthy, chief mentor and chairman of the board, Infosys Technologies, delivered a pre-commencement lecture at the New York University (Stern School of Business) on May 9. It is a scintillating speech, Murthy speaks about the lessons he learnt from his life and career.
We present it for our readers:

Dean Cooley, faculty, staff, distinguished guests, and, most importantly, the graduating class of 2007, it is a great privilege to speak at your commencement ceremonies.
I thank Dean Cooley and Prof Marti Subrahmanyam for their kind invitation. I am exhilarated to be part of such a joyous occasion. Congratulations to you, the class of 2007, on completing an important milestone in your life journey.
After some thought, I have decided to share with you some of my life lessons. I learned these lessons in the context of my early career struggles, a life lived under the influence of sometimes unplanned events which were the crucibles that tempered my character and reshaped my future.
I would like first to share some of these key life events with you, in the hope that these may help you understand my struggles and how chance events and unplanned encounters with influential persons shaped my life and career.
Later, I will share the deeper life lessons that I have learned. My sincere hope is that this sharing will help you see your own trials and tribulations for the hidden blessings they can be.
The first event occurred when I was a graduate student in Control Theory at IIT, Kanpur, in India. At breakfast on a bright Sunday morning in 1968, I had a chance encounter with a famous computer scientist on sabbatical from a well-known US university.
He was discussing exciting new developments in the field of computer science with a large group of students and how such developments would alter our future. He was articulate, passionate and quite convincing. I was hooked. I went straight from breakfast to the library, read four or five papers he had suggested, and left the library determined to study computer science.
Friends, when I look back today at that pivotal meeting, I marvel at how one role model can alter for the better the future of a young student. This experience taught me that valuable advice can sometimes come from an unexpected source, and chance events can sometimes open new doors.
The next event that left an indelible mark on me occurred in 1974. The location: Nis, a border town between former Yugoslavia, now Serbia, and Bulgaria. I was hitchhiking from Paris back to Mysore, India, my home town.
By the time a kind driver dropped me at Nis railway station at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night, the restaurant was closed. So was the bank the next morning, and I could not eat because I had no local money. I slept on the railway platform until 8.30 pm in the night when the Sofia Express pulled in.
The only passengers in my compartment were a girl and a boy. I struck a conversation in French with the young girl. She talked about the travails of living in an iron curtain country, until we were roughly interrupted by some policemen who, I later gathered, were summoned by the young man who thought we were criticising the communist government of Bulgaria.
The girl was led away; my backpack and sleeping bag were confiscated. I was dragged along the platform into a small 8x8 foot room with a cold stone floor and a hole in one corner by way of toilet facilities. I was held in that bitterly cold room without food or water for over 72 hours.
I had lost all hope of ever seeing the outside world again, when the door opened. I was again dragged out unceremoniously, locked up in the guard's compartment on a departing freight train and told that I would be released 20 hours later upon reaching Istanbul. The guard's final words still ring in my ears -- "You are from a friendly country called India and that is why we are letting you go!"
The journey to Istanbul was lonely, and I was starving. This long, lonely, cold journey forced me to deeply rethink my convictions about Communism. Early on a dark Thursday morning, after being hungry for 108 hours, I was purged of any last vestiges of affinity for the Left.
I concluded that entrepreneurship, resulting in large-scale job creation, was the only viable mechanism for eradicating poverty in societies.
Deep in my heart, I always thank the Bulgarian guards for transforming me from a confused Leftist into a determined, compassionate capitalist! Inevitably, this sequence of events led to the eventual founding of Infosys in 1981.
While these first two events were rather fortuitous, the next two, both concerning the Infosys journey, were more planned and profoundly influenced my career trajectory.
On a chilly Saturday morning in winter 1990, five of the seven founders of Infosys met in our small office in a leafy Bangalore suburb. The decision at hand was the possible sale of Infosys for the enticing sum of $1 million. After nine years of toil in the then business-unfriendly India, we were quite happy at the prospect of seeing at least some money.
I let my younger colleagues talk about their future plans. Discussions about the travails of our journey thus far and our future challenges went on for about four hours. I had not yet spoken a word.
Finally, it was my turn. I spoke about our journey from a small Mumbai apartment in 1981 that had been beset with many challenges, but also of how I believed we were at the darkest hour before the dawn. I then took an audacious step. If they were all bent upon selling the company, I said, I would buy out all my colleagues, though I did not have a cent in my pocket.
There was a stunned silence in the room. My colleagues wondered aloud about my foolhardiness. But I remained silent. However, after an hour of my arguments, my colleagues changed their minds to my way of thinking. I urged them that if we wanted to create a great company, we should be optimistic and confident. They have more than lived up to their promise of that day.
In the seventeen years since that day, Infosys has grown to revenues in excess of $3.0 billion, a net income of more than $800 million and a market capitalisation of more than $28 billion, 28,000 times richer than the offer of $1 million on that day.
In the process, Infosys has created more than 70,000 well-paying jobs, 2,000-plus dollar-millionaires and 20,000-plus rupee millionaires.
A final story: On a hot summer morning in 1995, a Fortune-10 corporation had sequestered all their Indian software vendors, including Infosys, in different rooms at the Taj Residency hotel in Bangalore so that the vendors could not communicate with one another. This customer's propensity for tough negotiations was well-known. Our team was very nervous.
First of all, with revenues of only around $5 million, we were minnows compared to the customer.
Second, this customer contributed fully 25% of our revenues. The loss of this business would potentially devastate our recently-listed company.
Third, the customer's negotiation style was very aggressive. The customer team would go from room to room, get the best terms out of each vendor and then pit one vendor against the other. This went on for several rounds. Our various arguments why a fair price -- one that allowed us to invest in good people, R&D, infrastructure, technology and training -- was actually in their interest failed to cut any ice with the customer.
By 5 p.m. on the last day, we had to make a decision right on the spot whether to accept the customer's terms or to walk out.
All eyes were on me as I mulled over the decision. I closed my eyes, and reflected upon our journey until then. Through many a tough call, we had always thought about the long-term interests of Infosys. I communicated clearly to the customer team that we could not accept their terms, since it could well lead us to letting them down later. But I promised a smooth, professional transition to a vendor of customer's choice.
This was a turning point for Infosys.
Subsequently, we created a Risk Mitigation Council which ensured that we would never again depend too much on any one client, technology, country, application area or key employee. The crisis was a blessing in disguise. Today, Infosys has a sound de-risking strategy that has stabilised its revenues and profits.
I want to share with you, next, the life lessons these events have taught me.

1. I will begin with the importance of learning from experience. It is less important, I believe, where you start. It is more important how and what you learn. If the quality of the learning is high, the development gradient is steep, and, given time, you can find yourself in a previously unattainable place. I believe the Infosys story is living proof of this.
Learning from experience, however, can be complicated. It can be much more difficult to learn from success than from failure. If we fail, we think carefully about the precise cause. Success can indiscriminately reinforce all our prior actions.

2. A second theme concerns the power of chance events. As I think across a wide variety of settings in my life, I am struck by the incredible role played by the interplay of chance events with intentional choices. While the turning points themselves are indeed often fortuitous, how we respond to them is anything but so. It is this very quality of how we respond systematically to chance events that is crucial.

3. Of course, the mindset one works with is also quite critical. As recent work by the psychologist, Carol Dweck, has shown, it matters greatly whether one believes in ability as inherent or that it can be developed. Put simply, the former view, a fixed mindset, creates a tendency to avoid challenges, to ignore useful negative feedback and leads such people to plateau early and not achieve their full potential.
The latter view, a growth mindset, leads to a tendency to embrace challenges, to learn from criticism and such people reach ever higher levels of achievement (Krakovsky, 2007: page 48).

4. The fourth theme is a cornerstone of the Indian spiritual tradition: self-knowledge. Indeed, the highest form of knowledge, it is said, is self-knowledge. I believe this greater awareness and knowledge of oneself is what ultimately helps develop a more grounded belief in oneself, courage, determination, and, above all, humility, all qualities which enable one to wear one's success with dignity and grace.

Based on my life experiences, I can assert that it is this belief in learning from experience, a growth mindset, the power of chance events, and self-reflection that have helped me grow to the present.
Back in the 1960s, the odds of my being in front of you today would have been zero. Yet here I stand before you! With every successive step, the odds kept changing in my favour, and it is these life lessons that made all the difference.
My young friends, I would like to end with some words of advice. Do you believe that your future is pre-ordained, and is already set? Or, do you believe that your future is yet to be written and that it will depend upon the sometimes fortuitous events?
Do you believe that these events can provide turning points to which you will respond with your energy and enthusiasm? Do you believe that you will learn from these events and that you will reflect on your setbacks? Do you believe that you will examine your successes with even greater care?
I hope you believe that the future will be shaped by several turning points with great learning opportunities. In fact, this is the path I have walked to much advantage.
A final word: When, one day, you have made your mark on the world, remember that, in the ultimate analysis, we are all mere temporary custodians of the wealth we generate, whether it be financial, intellectual, or emotional. The best use of all your wealth is to share it with those less fortunate.

I believe that we have all at some time eaten the fruit from trees that we did not plant. In the fullness of time, when it is our turn to give, it behooves us in turn to plant gardens that we may never eat the fruit of, which will largely benefit generations to come. I believe this is our sacred responsibility, one that I hope you will shoulder in time.
Thank you for your patience. Go forth and embrace your future with open arms, and pursue enthusiastically your own life journey of discovery!

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said," Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand"." It is simple said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other. While the greedy think only of themselves."

Moral: Its people's attitude that makes our place of work, a hell or heaven to them!! 'Help and Seek Help' this makes all the difference to each individual's life...and makes our lives heaven or otherwise.Success and happiness is all about effective team-work.....make it a great life ahead!!!.

Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son tried to get a calf into the barn. But theymade the common mistake of thinking only of what they wanted: Emersonpushed and his son pulled, but the calf did just what they did. He stiffenedhis legs and stubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The Irish housemaidobserved their predicament, she couldn'twrite essays and books, but on thisoccasion at least had more sense than Emerson had. She thought of what thecalf wanted; so she put hermaternal finger in the calf's mouth, and let thecalf suck her finger as she gently led him into the barn. Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started work at twocents an hour and finally gave away $365 million dollarslearned early inlife that the only way to influence people is to talk to them in terms ofwhat they want. He attended school only four years,yet he learned how tohandle people. To Illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick over hertwo boys. They were at Yale, and they were sobusy with their own affairsthat they neglected to write home and paid no attention to their mother'sfrantic letters.Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars that he couldget an answer by return mail, without even asking for it. Someone calledhisbet; so he wrote his nephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in apostscript that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill. Heneglected,however, to enclose the money. Back came replies by returnmailthanking "Dear Uncle Andrew" for his kind note and you can finish thesentence yourself. Next time you want to persuade someone to do something, pause and ask, howcan I make him want to do it? Ask yourself how can I tie what I want to whathe wants? You can do this by asking theperson directly. What would you liketo see happen? What would you like to gain from this? What can I do for you?How can I help you getwhat you want? This skill is very simple, direct andeffective!

Success and happiness are unarguably our Holy Grails, but the standardstaught to find them are all wrong. We have been brainwashed into believingthat the only way to achieve this elusive combination of success andhappiness is through setting goals. This is simply not true. In fact,goal-setting is often the shortest route to discontentment. Fifty eightpercent of those I surveyed say that they are consciously sacrificingtodays happiness in the belief that achieving their goals will bringfulfillment. Sadly, 41 percent say that each goal achieved brings little,if any, satisfaction, despite all the hard work. So, what do they do? Theyset another goal. This creates a perpetual cycle of sacrifice anddisillusionment. What is the solution?After interviewing hundreds of people and surveying thousands I discoveredthat the most passionate, creative, and sometimes wealthiest people livefree from the burden of traditional goals. Instead, they have mastered therare skill of enjoying now rather than delaying gratification until thefuture.Goals are not inherently bad, but many individuals have an unhealthyrelationship with their goals, distorting this potentially helpful toolinto a surefire recipe for failure. Why?
Quite often, the goals we chase are not our own. Fifty three percent ofthose I surveyed feel that they are living their lives in a way thatsatisfies others more than themselves. Whose life are you living?*
Goals can cause you to lose your peripheral vision. When you focus onyour goals, you are cutting off potentially greater opportunities fromemerging.*
Goals set you up for failure, say 74 percent of those surveyed,conceding to disappointment and dissatisfaction when they are unsuccessfulin achieving their goals. In fact, 92 percent fail to achieve their NewYears resolutions. That is a lot of discontentment.Goal-Free Living is liberating. It opens new possibilities typicallyhidden from sight.We often associate goals with our career. While that is a big aspect ofour lives, Goal-Free Living applies to all areas of life, from dating tobusiness.*
Dating. When you are on a date, do not worry about the next date.Instead, just enjoy the other persons company...for that moment. You willcome across as being more genuine and less desperate, and ironically, thisincreases your chances of getting that second date.*
Vacationing. When on a vacation, instead of planning every minute ofevery day, try venturing out into an area not in your guidebook. You maydiscover some hidden gems. You will feel less hurried and more relaxed.Isnt that what a vacation is all about?*
Meetings. When you attend a business conference, stop focusing on whatyou will get out of it and how you will use it. Rather, concentrate onjust being there and soaking in as much as possible. Incredïbleopportunities show up when you are unburdened and blinded by myopic goals.When you are doing something, ask yourself Why am I doing this? If youhave a reason--other than just to be there--then you may have a goal.While it is quite acceptable to have a particular interest in an outcome,do not let that specific focus become so dominant that it blinds you toother opportunities.How does one embark on a more goal-free life? During my travels around theworld and after hundreds of interviews I discovered eight secrets forliving goal-free.
1. Use a compass, not a map--have a sense of direction (not a specificdestination) , and then meander with purpose.
2. Trust that you are never lost--every seemingly wrong turn is anopportunïty to learn and experience new things.
3. Remember that opportunïty knocks often but sometimes softly--whileblindly pursuing our goals, we often miss unexpected and wonderfulpossibilities.
4. Want what you have--measure your life by your own yardstick andappreciate who you are, what you do, and what you have...now.
5. Seek out adventure--treat your life like a one-time-only journey, andrevel in new and different experiences.
6. Become a people magnet--constantly attract, build, and nurturerelationships with new people so that you always have the support andcamaraderie of others.
7. Embrace your limits--transform your inadequacies and boundaries intounique qualities that you can use to your advantage.
8. Remain detached--focus on the present, act with a commitment to thefuture, and avoid worrying about how things will turn out.For each of these secrets, there are a number of tips for implementing theconcept. Here are a few you can try today.*

Set themes, not resolutions- -rather than set a resolution (i.e., agoal), choose one word to describe your next year. Choose something thatis bold and inspires you. Instead of losing 10 pounds, you could choosehealth. Relationships --in the broadest sense--may work better for youthan finding a boyfriend. Any word will do: grace, adventure,serenity, play.*
Use could do lists rather than to do lists--to do lists tend to bedraining as they are the things you feel you must do. Could do listscontain those things that you want to do that inspire you. They keeppossibility in front of you. Keep your list of could do items large andyour list of to do items small.*
Change your filter. One creative way to seek out adventure is to makebelieve you are another person--an artist, a musician, or a doctor. Itdoesnt matter, as long as it is someone other than you. When you liveyour normal day standing in the shoes of someone else, you will see thingsyou have never seen before.*
Appreciate the whole spectrum of life. Create contrasts to help youappreciate where you are right now. Sleep in a tent and sleeping bagversus always staying in a five-star hotel. Volunteer for a charity. Takethe bus to work. Eat at a greasy spoon diner. Swap jobs with someone witha less glamorous assignment for a week. Experience the whole spectrum oflife.The origin of the word goal comes from the Old English word forobstacles or a hindrance. In order to achieve a goal, you must workhard to overcome these barriers and roadblocks. Conversely, the origin ofthe word aspiration is the same as the Latin word for spirit andinspire, which means to breathe into or panting with desire.Barriers or inspiration. Which would you prefer?

By Zig Ziglar

How do you achieve employment security in a world where there is no employment security? I start with a question: do you consider yourself to be honest and at least reasonably intelligent? Okay. As an honest, intelligent person, do you, as a general rule, get about twice as much work done on the day before you go on vacation as you normally get done?
Now, I am going to ask you a long question, so stay with me all the way through. If we can figure out why and learn how and repeat it every day without working any longer or any harder, does it make sense that we will be more valuable to ourselves, our company, our family, and our community?
The answer is yes.

I want to make it crystal clear that I am communicating with you about you-I'm not referring to anybody else, but to you about you. You have undoubtedly already confessed that you are honest and intelligent.

Now, on the night before the day before vacation, do you get your laptop or a sheet of paper out and plan, "Now, tomorrow I've got to do this and this . . . ." We've coined a very clever name for that-we call that goal setting. So, you set your goals. Then, you get them organized in the order of their importance.

Let me encourage you to make one slight change there. Get the disagreeable and difficult things out of the way first. Free your mind so you can concentrate on what else you have got to do. You get it organized. You accept responsibility. You make the commitments. You know that some people are about as committed as a Kamikaze pilot on his 39th mission-they just aren't serious about it.

Now, commitment is important whether it is to get your education, make one more call, keep the marriage together, or whatever. Commitment is important because when you hit the wall-not if, but when you hit the wall-if you have made a commitment, your first thought is "How do I solve the problem?" If you haven't made the commitment, your first thought is "How do I get out of this deal?" And we find literally what we are looking for. When you make that commitment, things happen. It shows that you really care about the other people on the job. It demonstrates that you are dependable. Even though you're leaving town, you're not going to leave
an unfinished task for others to do. Your integrity comes through.

Have you ever participated in organized team sports? Did you ever go home one night and say to your parents something like, "Mom, Dad, you won't believe the game plan the coach has worked out. Man alive, it is incredible. We're going to kill those suckers tomorrow. You can count on it." You were optimistic simply because you had a plan of action, and likewise, you are optimistic that tomorrow you are going to be able to get all of the things done that need to be done before you can go on that
vacation.

Now, some of us are born optimistic, and some are born pessimistic. For your information, the 1828 Noah Webster Dictionary does not have the word pessimist in it. It has the word optimist. Now, I am a natural-born optimist. I really am. I would take my last two dollars and buy a money belt with it. That's the way I'm put together. But the good news is if you are a natural-born pessimist, you definitely, emphatically, positively can change. You are a pessimist by choice because you are what you are and where you are because of what's gone into your mind. You can change what you are; you can change where you are by changing what goes into your
mind.

Anyway, on the day before you go on vacation you not only get to work on time, you are a little early, and you immediately get started. You don't stand around and say, "Well, I wonder what I ought to do now." You can't wait to get after it. You want to do the right thing, so you get started in a big hurry. You are enthusiastic about it. You are highly motivated.
You decisively move from one task to another.

Now, I am going to camp on this one for just a moment. Have you noticed that as a general rule, people who have nothing to do want to do it with you? It's true, isn't it? Now, on this day before vacation, when you finish one task, you move with purpose to another one. And people just will not block you for that two-minute gossip session or four-minute or five-minute or six-minute chat. I am absolutely convinced and have no doubt about it that the listener has more to do with gossiping than the speaker does because if you don't listen, nobody is going to gossip to
you. They just won't.

When you move with purpose, people will step aside and let you go. I will absolutely guarantee that you will save a minimum of an hour a day in two-, three-, five-minute spurts of time. An hour a day is five hours per week is 250 hours per year. That is six weeks of your life that you've wasted and six weeks of combined time that you have wasted with people whohave been gossiping with you. What could you do with six extra weeks every year?

Focus on the issue at hand. Discipline yourself to stay with it until you finish. Cybil Stanton gave me the best definition of discipline I have ever read in her book The Twenty Five Hour Woman: "Discipline isn't on your back needling you with imperatives. It is at your side encouraging you with incentives."

Treat every day like it's the day before vacation, and you will get more work done!

About the Author:
Zig Ziglar has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Dallas Morning News as well as in Fortune, Success, and Esquire magazines and has appeared on "The Today Show," "20/20," "60 Minutes," and "The Phil Donahue Show." He has that rare ability to make audiences comfortable and relaxed, yet completely attentive. As an author, he has written 24 books on personal growth, leadership, sales, faith, family, and success. Nine titles have become best sellers, including Over the Top and See You at the Top. Subscribe to the free, weekly "Zig Ziglar Newsletter" at http://www.zigziglar.com

His article above is one of 101 great chapters that can be found in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life." This powerful compilation book with Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, Jim Rohn, and Denis Waitley contains 101 chapters of
proven advice on how to improve your life.

Valencia Mueller stops at Wagner's Food Pride and buys a single lottery
Ticket. She wins. "I had trouble catching my breath," she says. "This only
Happens in dreams or in the movies, not in real life." I think she
overreacted.

Even if Valencia Mueller had won the ultimate payoff against odds of
54,979,155 to one, it would have been no big deal, because Valencia had
Already won a much bigger lottery against much greater odds. Valencia
Mueller had been born.

I asked Ryan J. Sokol of the statistics department at Texas A&M University
To calculate the odds of a specific individual being born. Ryan estimated
The total number of fertile men and women in the world, calculated the
Number of different genetic possibilities a man might contribute, adjusted
For the number of hours of female fertility each month, and then factored In
a long list of other considerations.

The bottom line of Ryan's lengthy report to me said, "The chance that you,
Meaning exactly you, would be born are 1 in 1.3 times ten to the twenty-
Ninth power." In other words, 130,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to
One. You and I my friend, are two incredibly, amazingly, lucky people. We
Both won the genetic lottery!

Compared with the odds against being born, the odds are very good that you
Will be elected president of the United States. You have already won a
Lottery more amazing than human-kind could ever devise. You have already
Been awarded a prize far richer than anything the world has to give. You Are
alive. You are here. Make the most of it.

The finger of God never leaves identical fingerprints - Stanislaw Lec

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I
Sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations. Do not be afraid,
For I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord." -- Jeremiah 1: 5 & 8

Author Unknown

Learning how to manage your feelings and behaviors takes work and
practice. However, one simple way to get started is to develop "coping
statements" to counter upsetting thoughts. Coping statements are somewhat
like affirmations, but they are not necessarily positive ideas. Rather,
they are realistic or reality based. Coping statements are usually
challenges to specific upsetting thoughts, although you can use them any
time.

The idea hëre is to stop yourself whenever you feel upset, anxious,
worried, depressed, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated and so on. You can
also use undesired urges or behavior, like procrastination, smokïng,
drinking or drugging, as a cue to start the process. Catch yourself, then
try to observe what thoughts are running through your mind. Take a sheet
of paper and divide it in half vertically. On the left side of the sheet,
write out whatever thoughts you have observed.

Once you have identified the offending thoughts, just try changing them.
As you get into this more, you will probably want to learn how to dispute
or evaluate your thoughts on several levels, but the simple förm of this
exercise is to change the thoughts in any way that helps you feel or
behave differently. Keep trying different alternatives until you find one
that works for you. Hëre are some examples to help you get started:

1. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to fail.

Realistic Alternative: I'll probably do all right, but even if I don't,
it's not the end of the world.

2. Upsetting Thought: I can't stand it.

Realistic Alternative: I don't like it, but I can stand it.

3. Upsetting Thought: I'll nevër amount to anything.

Realistic Alternative: It may be difficult, but if I try, I can accomplish
a lot.

4. Upsetting Thought: That's awful.

Realistic Alternative: It's bad, but it could be much worse.

5. Upsetting Thought: I must be a loser because this person doesn't like
me.

Realistic Alternative: I want to be liked, but not everyone will like me.

6. Upsetting Thought: I need love.

Realistic Alternative: I want love, but I can live without it.

7. Upsetting Thought: That S.O. B.!

Realistic Alternative: I don't like some of his actions, but he is not all
bad.

8. Upsetting Thought: I'm not in the mood to do that.

Realistic Alternative: Tough! If I want the advantages of doing this, I
had better go ahead and get it out of the way.

9. Upsetting Thought: I'm going to get fired.

Realistic Alternative: I might be fired, but probably won't be. Being
fired would be a setback, but I can deal with it.

10. Upsetting Thought: I need a drink.

Realistic Alternative: I want a drink, but I don't need it. I might feel
better nöw, but I'll regret it tomorrow.

Hopefully, you get the idea. Try it! I think you will like the results.
Not only will you feel better, but you will probably find that you have a
lot more energy to put into solving the real problems in your life, not
just wasting energy on getting needlessly upset.

Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D. © 2002. All rights reserved.

About the Author:
Dr. Rob Sarmiento is a licensed psychologist in practice since 1976 in
Houston, Texas. He has developed a powerful Psychology Self-Help Website
with tools, articles and information about his consulting services. He
provides consulting services for mental health, human resources, lëgal and
business professionals. You can visit his website at
http://www.cyberpsych.com